A Loathsome Crooked Hat

So Scotland has lost its buddy across the Atlantic. Since the Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi arrived in Libya several weeks ago, lauded by supporters at the airport flying the flags of St Andrew and wearing Jimmy-wigs, Scotland has been viewed by our cousins across the Pond as a friend of terrorism, a loathsome, crooked hat perched atop of England’s head.

Day after day, American animosity towards Scotland grows. Anti-Scottish websites are being created (good ones too with impressive Flash intros), more and more US movie goers are claiming that Roger Moore was the best James Bond, millions of disgruntled music fans are returning their Proclaimers albums, and synchronised bonfires are being lit across the States with DVD copies of ‘Loch Ness’ starring Ted Danson being tossed upon them with unrelenting fury.

In response to this unprecedented lambasting, the Scottish Parliament demanded that Justice Minister and vaudeville comedian Kenny McCaskill come to Holyrood and say exactly the same things that he had said earlier in the week but this time in front of a room full of opposition politicians who desperately wanted to be seen by the international community (and in particular, President Fonzie Obama) shaking their heads and tut-tutting.

Remaining defiant, Mr. McCaskill reiterated that his decision was based on the existing laws of release on compassionate grounds. However, he added that he had been appalled by the Beatleswelcome that al-Megrahi bathed himself in upon his return to Libya and had spoken with the Libyan authorities beforehand to ensure that such an occurrence would not happen.

The unavoidable and revelatory conclusion therefore appears to be that this dictatorial government with whom we have been working closely is not entirely trustworthy. Well, they better not screw us on the oil too, that’s all I can say.